“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” -Anne Lamott

((If you are suffering and need help, but don't know where to start, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255))

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

11/3/11

Dear Danny,
I miss you.
I haven't cried today, but that doesn't mean anything anymore. I want to be strong. I need you to remember that just because I don't dwell on you being gone doesn't mean I don't care. Because I do care more than I could ever express! I just need to find distractions so I won't mope around and lose myself. It is hard though. I promise you it's hard. I start to feel guilty when I think of other things, which is probably the reason why I keep telling you to remember I still care.
There's a weird noise I am hearing that sounds like the garage door is opening. For a split second I thought you had just gotten home. It's about that time you'd be getting home anyways. What a strange feeling to have while writing this letter to you. I guess that just goes to show that it hasn't fully hit me yet. Even after 8 days.
I over heard someone talking today about how it won't hit us until Holidays. And man, I don't doubt it! I'm already dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas! It will be hard not having you here for those major holidays. I might even be the only one home for Christmas, unless Kelsi and Joe sleep over. I'm not going to like that very much, being alone that is.
I love you so much. I hope you know that. Daniel told me at the cemetery that you would tell him at least once a week how much you loved me. I know you love me. I have always felt it, even when you didn't exactly say it. But you had your own way of telling me. I will always remember that time you left me a voicemail when I lived in Chicago. The voicemail said "Hey Talysa. Uhm, I just called to remind you that you're a butthead." That is all you said, but yet it meant the world to me. I am pretty sure I even started crying while listening to it because I knew you just wanted to call and talk to me. THAT was you expressing your love! I don't think I ever told you how much I loved that voicemail. I even listened to it a few times days after you called! I will never forget how amazing our relationship was, and I can't wait to pick up where we left off!
Love Always,
Talysa

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