Dear Danny,
Today was your funeral. That sure sucked. In a way, I am SO glad it is over! Not that this heartache will ever go away, but at least we got the big stuff over and done with. Now we just need to learn how to deal. That will be the hardest part.
I was surprisingly strong after the funeral, even though I bawled for a while before and at the beginning of the service. But I have realized that I need to be strong for Mom and Dad. I think about the pain I feel from losing my brother, but I then I put myself in their shoes. They lost a son! I can't imagine how that might feel. I can't remember seeing Dad so torn and Mom looking so fragile. This is definitely more heart breaking then what you did to them while you were on the earth. I'm not judging or blaming you, I just saw how sad they were with your choices. They NEVER stopped loving you though. EVER.
Danny, I am obviously never going to forget you, but I need you to know that I am going to stop dwelling on losing you. There really is no point in doing so. It won't get me anywhere I need to be, it will only let Satan take over my mind. But I am always going to hurt and I am always going to miss you, everyday for the rest of my life. I just want to get on with planning my wedding and preparing to be married. I cannot wait for that beautiful day! Kellen is absolutely, without a doubt my best friend. I can't wait until I am sealed to him for Eternity!
I really wish you could feel the love I have for the Gospel. I know with all my heart that it is truly the Plan of Happiness. I wish I never would have gone through my short stage of doubt, but you have to go through the bad to recognize and appreciate the good, right?
I am grateful for all my trials, up until this one. Maybe one day I will be able to look at this with gratitude, but I'm not seeing that time come anytime soon. How am I supposed to feel? Grateful that my big brother is dead? Yeah freaking right. I know that some good things will come from this, though. Already we have strengthened as a family and a ward. What I hope to become from this trial is a "rock" for others going through the same thing. My Patriarchal blessing does mention that my voice and testimony will be heard by many. Maybe this is what I need to do to be heard. I just wish it wasn't under certain circumstances.
I love you.
Love Always,
Talysa
Today was your funeral. That sure sucked. In a way, I am SO glad it is over! Not that this heartache will ever go away, but at least we got the big stuff over and done with. Now we just need to learn how to deal. That will be the hardest part.
I was surprisingly strong after the funeral, even though I bawled for a while before and at the beginning of the service. But I have realized that I need to be strong for Mom and Dad. I think about the pain I feel from losing my brother, but I then I put myself in their shoes. They lost a son! I can't imagine how that might feel. I can't remember seeing Dad so torn and Mom looking so fragile. This is definitely more heart breaking then what you did to them while you were on the earth. I'm not judging or blaming you, I just saw how sad they were with your choices. They NEVER stopped loving you though. EVER.
Danny, I am obviously never going to forget you, but I need you to know that I am going to stop dwelling on losing you. There really is no point in doing so. It won't get me anywhere I need to be, it will only let Satan take over my mind. But I am always going to hurt and I am always going to miss you, everyday for the rest of my life. I just want to get on with planning my wedding and preparing to be married. I cannot wait for that beautiful day! Kellen is absolutely, without a doubt my best friend. I can't wait until I am sealed to him for Eternity!
I really wish you could feel the love I have for the Gospel. I know with all my heart that it is truly the Plan of Happiness. I wish I never would have gone through my short stage of doubt, but you have to go through the bad to recognize and appreciate the good, right?
I am grateful for all my trials, up until this one. Maybe one day I will be able to look at this with gratitude, but I'm not seeing that time come anytime soon. How am I supposed to feel? Grateful that my big brother is dead? Yeah freaking right. I know that some good things will come from this, though. Already we have strengthened as a family and a ward. What I hope to become from this trial is a "rock" for others going through the same thing. My Patriarchal blessing does mention that my voice and testimony will be heard by many. Maybe this is what I need to do to be heard. I just wish it wasn't under certain circumstances.
I love you.
Love Always,
Talysa
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