Dear Danny,
I know its been months, and I have been wanting to write for such a long time, but I just haven't been able to get myself to do it. I haven't written you since Thanksgiving time! I know you always hear the words that are in my heart, so that is comforting.
As always, I wish you were here. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a kiss on the cheek. I wish I could wrestle with you one more time. I wish I could sing Karaoke with you again. But, more than anything, I wish you could experience this miracle growing in my belly with me and the family. I wish I could put your hand on my belly and see the look on your face when she kicks you. I'm jealous that Traeden, Jaxon, Araleigh, and Milly all got to have you in their lives, even if Milly was only a few months old when you left her. Jeff and Liz still got to see you with her. That is something Kelsi and I will never have. It's actually a lot harder than I thought it would be too. I was dreading it from the start, but this is hell. I'm so beyond words excited to bring this little girl into the world, but I hate the thought of raising her with only pictures of you. I know you are with her now, but that isn't something she will remember. It's something I'll have to get over though, because obviously I can't do anything about it. Just promise me you'll watch over her, always. Be her guardian angel. Never let her be alone.
No matter how bad I wish, pray, and hope this nightmare still isn't real, it is. And I still have yet to accept it. It's still strange not seeing you on Sundays at moms house. It's still strange to walk into your empty room. I miss your voice, laugh, hugs, smacks in the face, your fake hugs, sitting next to you on the couch, texting you. Pretty much everything.
Sunday is your birthday. You would be 26. Do you realize how young that is?? Last year was terribly hard. Well it wasn't that bad until we started singing to you, and then when I blew out the candles for you. I'll never forget how empty that evening felt. You could tell there was something, or rather... someone, missing. I guess we will see how this year goes.
I love you more than anything. You were the best big brother ever. I took it for granted. I regret not spending more time with you. I regret not having more simple conversations with you, and getting to know you more. I miss you, and will continue to miss you until I see you again. There is nothing you can do to stop the tears from rolling down my cheek. But you could have prevented them.
Love Always,
Talysa
