11/24/11

Dear Danny,

Today is Thanksgiving. The first Holiday without you. I thought of a list of what I'm grateful for, and while I'm grateful for so many things, today I'm mostly grateful for you.

I'm grateful for having a brother like you. I'm so happy that we chose to be siblings! My life would have been a lot different had I not had you in it. And although you would never admit it, your life would have been different without me too.

I'm grateful for all the fights we had. I truly think our fights made us closer. We were close without the fights, and we didn't fight very often, but it was good to see the other side of you. And I know that I was a little bit of a brat and whiney, you never let me live it down.

I'm grateful for all the deep conversations we ever had. Although we didn't have too many of these, we still had a few that I will never forget. I'm so glad that I could open up to you like that and share what I was feeling. I couldn't do that with too many people. I'm also glad that you felt like you could open up to me and tell me anything. Even though I know you still held a lot in, I got to see the true Danny for a minute. The Danny that had real feelings and emotions. The Danny that put his guard down and showed his vulnerability. I LOVE that Danny.

I'm grateful for us only being 2 years apart. I loved going to school with you. I would always look for you in the halls and at lunch. I was proud to have my awesome big brother with me almost 24/7. Another perk that came with being so close in age, we had a lot of the same friends. Even though I would just flirt with all your friends, I think we still had a pretty good time. I would bug you and annoy you all the time, but that was all out of love, and I hated being left out.

Like I said in previous letters, I'm so grateful for all the stupid games we played and made up. Those made amazing memories that I will always hold in my heart. I also love how we would talk and laugh about the silly games we played. We had fun times reminiscing about the good ol' days. It doesn't seem that long ago that you would play Barbies with me in the basement... Oops.. Should I not have let that secret out??

I'm grateful for the Danny before he got sick. You were the most fun-loving, free spirited, happy, compassionate, optimistic, care-free, laid back person I had ever met. You always went out with friends, made videos, would dance around, sing, wrestle with me, and you hung out with me more. You were fun to be around, made everyone laugh, especially when you were with Jeff, and always had a smile on your face.

I'm (semi) grateful for the Danny after he got sick, too. Not only did this change you physically, it changed you mentally. And although it wasn't the best change to occur, I think it was a lesson waiting to be learned. You never let yourself learn it though. You let your illness change your perspective on things. It wasn't all bad though. It opened up plenty of opportunities to find yourself and to search the gospel for answers, I just don't feel like you tried to do any of that. I saw a lot of true emotion from you after you got sick. But not only did your illness change you, it changed the family. We became more willing to serve. You were never a burden to us, only someone we loved who needed our attention and care. We never once regretted putting things aside to help you. We never once wished that we wouldn't have cancelled something so we could be with you. We loved all the time we spent with you, happy or sad, healthy or sick.

I'm grateful for your friendship. You weren't just my brother. You were my best friend. You were my childhood hero, someone I looked up to. You were my partner in crime, making mom mad. You were always there to hug me, kiss me on the cheek, and tell me that you loved me, even if you were forced to do so. You were always in the room right next to me. I remember talking about how one time we wanted to somehow put a Mailbox between our walls so we could always write each other letters/notes and talk to each other without leaving our rooms. I wish our parents would have let us do that... It would have been awesome!

All that I'm trying to say in this one little letter can be summed up into 2 huge words.

...THANK YOU...

Thank you for being my brother. Thank you for never making me play alone. Thank you for being there with me while we walk to the bus stop. Thank you for occasionally holding my hand. Thank you for cuddling with me in Mom and Dads bed, while Mom was trying to make her bed. Thank you for not getting mad at me too much for following you and your friends around the house. Thank you for leaving the house with me, without leaving a note or wearing our coats. Thank you for helping me make Mom yell at us almost on a daily basis.

But most of all, Thank you for loving me as much as you could.

Today will suck without you, but we can't make it go away, only make it through. I love you and miss you everday. I pray for you every night. I hope you can feel the love I have for you in my heart. I will never forget, but only remember all the sweet, precious memories I have with you.

Love Always,

Talysa