9/30/17

Dear Danny,

It has been more than 2 years since I last logged on. There have been so many times I have wanted to write my thoughts out, I just never did. I don't know why I can't get myself to do this more, but I am going to try not to wait so long next time.

It's been almost 6 years since you left. In fact, next month will mark 6 years exactly. It has been hard. I always find myself wondering how my kids would act if you were here. What would their "Danny's tickling me" laugh sound like? What would the expression on their face say when they see you enter the room? How tight would they wrap their little arms around you? What games would they want to play that are special just between you and them? Well, I already know one thing; They would think the absolute world of you. And you would treat them like they were your entire world. Just like you did with all our nieces and nephews.

Anyways, I don't want this to be sad like most of my posts. Sure, the last 6 years has been the hardest I've had to endure so far. And many things have changed, things I never thought possible have changed. But if there is anything positive that I have learned through this trial, it's to recognize my blessings and be grateful for what I DO have.

-I still have 3 amazing, loving, kind siblings and their spouses, who are wonderful Aunts and Uncles to my kids. I still get to experience everything I listed above with them. I get to see how excited Aria gets when she sees Brandis. I get to Facetime with Kelsi and listen to Aria and Ezra have "grown up" conversations. I get to watch Jeff tease the boys and see Aria being silly with him. I am still extremely close with Mindy and love having her as my other "sister". I still have a lot family that care about me, and I care about them. Not to mention the most selfless, loving, accepting, compassionate parents I could have ever chosen. They live to serve and do it with a sincere smile on their face.

-I have an amazing family of my own. I have the most patient husband known to man! He has stood by my side basically since we started dating! He knows me inside and out. He is my best friend and the best daddy. He steps in right when I need him and never complains. His parents are so loving and supportive. They love my kids and are so good with them. They are everything I could have asked for as In-laws. And the kids....... Oh, my sweet kids. God knew exactly what He was doing sending them to us when He did. Aria has the biggest heart. She is constantly expressing her love for me and Kellen. I love the random hugs and kisses she showers me with. She is kind to everyone she meets and makes sure everybody feels included and important. Kohen is the happiest kid in the world! He is always smiling, making silly faces, and he has a little lamb-like laugh that warms my heart up in an instance. And Kamden was definitely supposed to be named after you. He is rambunctious, fearless, and carefree. He's determined and a bit stubborn, but he loves sitting on laps, being held, snuggling and has a smile that brightens anyone's day.

-I have amazing friends who have always been there for me when I need them. They care about my daily life and how I'm doing. They listen when I just need to vent and have advice when seeking help.

-And lastly, though a piece of my heart has broken off, it is still beating. It will continue to beat until I take my last breath. I have a wonderful life. I know there are times I can't always see the good in my life, but that doesn't mean it's not a good one. I'm grateful for the journey, even if there are things I wish I didn't have to endure.

I'm not saying I'm grateful for you being gone. I will never be OK with it. With your choice. However, I am grateful for the lessons I am learning as I go. But... I miss you. You will always be that missing piece of my heart that I so desperately want back. Patience is not my strong suit, but I know there will be a day where I will see you again and we will talk as if we were never apart.

"I miss you, I miss you so bad. I don't forget you, oh it's so sad. I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly; The day you slipped away......"

Love Always,
Talysa