“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” -Anne Lamott

((If you are suffering and need help, but don't know where to start, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255))

Thursday, March 29, 2012

03/29/12

Dear Danny,
It has been such a long time since I have written you a letter, but you are still constantly on my mind.
I'm hurting. My heart is aching for you so badly, and there is nothing that will make the ache go away. Not yet anyways. The pain in my heart grows into headaches, stomach aches, and makes it harder to breathe.
That is the exact pain I felt on my wedding day. You were in the Temple though. The officiant even said so himself (only in a more spiritual way). He knew nothing about you before we went in the room but he sure felt inspired to say that you, and other loved ones on the other side, were there. I knew you wouldn't miss it.
The Officiant was amazing, Danny. The words he spoke were clear, true, and beautiful. Something he said that confirmed you were in the room was a long the lines of "Our Heavenly Father gives special privileges to His children on the other side that allows them to be a part of this special ordinance." You were given that privilege. I know it. I felt you there just as much as I felt the others in the room staring at me. Thank you, Danny.
Then the hard stuff started. Pictures. It was fine until the sibling pictures. I didn't cry, but I definitely felt a little empty, since there was truly someone missing.
I want so bad to hug you, hear your voice, kiss your cheek. It's driving me absolutely crazy that I cannot do that.
I had a dream about you not too long ago. I feel bittersweet about dreaming of you. I loved it because I can see you and hear your voice but I hated it because I woke up longing to see you even more. But you told me in your dream, with the biggest smile I've ever seen, that you finally had all your strength back. I knew that was you telling me from the other side. You came and visited me just like I asked you to. Thank you for that, also.
Having Kellen with me almost 24/7 has definitely made the coping process easier. I haven't broken down in front of him for a while, but that is because he gets my mind off things. Also, we got a puppy! We've only had her for 2 days but she definitely keeps me busy!!! You would love her! She is just simply adorable. I love her so much.
I'm sorry this is short and sweet. I miss you like crazy and will every single day until I see you again. I love you, don't you ever forget it.

"May Angels Lead You In"
Love Always,
Talysa

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