Dear Danny,
I sure do miss you. It has been really hard ever since Christmas. Well its been hard since day 1, but the Holiday sucked. It was actually a little worse than I was expecting. Mostly because I didn't even know what to expect!!! I've never had to brace myself for anything like this before, and I didn't think I'd ever have to. But I'm not going to lie, Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas were the hardest for me. Those are our family days. I mean, I still cried on Christmas Day, but not as much as the day after at the Family party. It was strange. I could really tell that you were not there, physically. The feeling of you being gone got 10x worse. I'm glad there are over 300 days til I have to do that again. But I bet other days coming up will be harder.
I find myself going into your room a lot lately. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm sitting on your bed until I make myself stop thinking. I just wander in. And of course, every time I walk in, I start bawling. It has kind of turned into a routine. I stare at your picture and just talk to you. I mostly ask you "Why?" and try to come up with a reason of my own, but I always leave the room just as confused as when I entered.
None of this makes sense to me, and I know it won't make sense until I see you again. But then I start to think about how it might have been an accident, and I wonder if you are just as confused as I am. I know you were playing with fire, and you knew it too, but it just went a little too far that time. I wonder if you are angry at yourself. Sometimes I wish you are, but if I could pick anywhere in the entire universe that I would rather be than this place called Earth, it would be Heaven. You are happy, healthy, and worry free. You don't have to wonder what will happen with your health in the future.
You don't have to be scared anymore.
I have realized that I hate being alone. It doesn't matter where I am, as soon as I'm alone, my thoughts go to you. Even the drive to work every morning. If I have someone with me, I can easily be distracted from thinking about you which I have come to accept that that might be a good thing. Otherwise I would dwell and cry 24/7.
I have felt so much stress lately. It's almost overwhelming. Between you being gone, the wedding, and mine and Kellen's adventure of buying a house, I feel exhausted and worn out all the time. The days seem to drag a little. But all I can do is keep pushing forward. I still have to remind myself to breathe sometimes when things become too much, or when I'm constantly thinking about you.
I feel as if this is only getting harder. I've never gone this long without seeing you. I am clinging onto all of our fun last times together. I still shudder a little as I walk into Phlebotomy class, and the instructors can tell I'm a little uncomfortable. But they are very understanding and know just what to say. Even driving to Phlebotomy the other night, I was late and I was just imagining what you would be saying to me about it. How I needed to speed up because we were late EVERY time. Or when I missed every single green light, you would groan and say "Every light? I can't believe we always miss the green lights!" When I went to the Jazz game the other night when they were playing the Lakers, I couldn't help but think what you would be saying about the game the entire time. All the profanities that would be coming out of your mouth.. =]
I miss you. You took a huge piece of my heart with you when you left me and it hurts every second of everyday. Please watch over and protect me... I need you. Always.
I love you so much!
Love Always,
Talysa
I sure do miss you. It has been really hard ever since Christmas. Well its been hard since day 1, but the Holiday sucked. It was actually a little worse than I was expecting. Mostly because I didn't even know what to expect!!! I've never had to brace myself for anything like this before, and I didn't think I'd ever have to. But I'm not going to lie, Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas were the hardest for me. Those are our family days. I mean, I still cried on Christmas Day, but not as much as the day after at the Family party. It was strange. I could really tell that you were not there, physically. The feeling of you being gone got 10x worse. I'm glad there are over 300 days til I have to do that again. But I bet other days coming up will be harder.
I find myself going into your room a lot lately. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm sitting on your bed until I make myself stop thinking. I just wander in. And of course, every time I walk in, I start bawling. It has kind of turned into a routine. I stare at your picture and just talk to you. I mostly ask you "Why?" and try to come up with a reason of my own, but I always leave the room just as confused as when I entered.
None of this makes sense to me, and I know it won't make sense until I see you again. But then I start to think about how it might have been an accident, and I wonder if you are just as confused as I am. I know you were playing with fire, and you knew it too, but it just went a little too far that time. I wonder if you are angry at yourself. Sometimes I wish you are, but if I could pick anywhere in the entire universe that I would rather be than this place called Earth, it would be Heaven. You are happy, healthy, and worry free. You don't have to wonder what will happen with your health in the future.
You don't have to be scared anymore.
I have realized that I hate being alone. It doesn't matter where I am, as soon as I'm alone, my thoughts go to you. Even the drive to work every morning. If I have someone with me, I can easily be distracted from thinking about you which I have come to accept that that might be a good thing. Otherwise I would dwell and cry 24/7.
I have felt so much stress lately. It's almost overwhelming. Between you being gone, the wedding, and mine and Kellen's adventure of buying a house, I feel exhausted and worn out all the time. The days seem to drag a little. But all I can do is keep pushing forward. I still have to remind myself to breathe sometimes when things become too much, or when I'm constantly thinking about you.
I feel as if this is only getting harder. I've never gone this long without seeing you. I am clinging onto all of our fun last times together. I still shudder a little as I walk into Phlebotomy class, and the instructors can tell I'm a little uncomfortable. But they are very understanding and know just what to say. Even driving to Phlebotomy the other night, I was late and I was just imagining what you would be saying to me about it. How I needed to speed up because we were late EVERY time. Or when I missed every single green light, you would groan and say "Every light? I can't believe we always miss the green lights!" When I went to the Jazz game the other night when they were playing the Lakers, I couldn't help but think what you would be saying about the game the entire time. All the profanities that would be coming out of your mouth.. =]
I miss you. You took a huge piece of my heart with you when you left me and it hurts every second of everyday. Please watch over and protect me... I need you. Always.
I love you so much!
Love Always,
Talysa
No comments:
Post a Comment